Blogger Heaven

He is here. He is here with me on my new property...i made that cross, and i may make others.....because it is all i can do as an act of outward witness. and i consider myself to be in transition ...waiting upon the Lord; growing. McDermott stunted my spiritual growth. Now, i am free of demons i could not get rid of.

My new home is not heaven. I know that. But i have less demons around me, here. Without sin and repentance, there is no growth. Without believing in the Lord Jesus working in your life continually, there is no growth. And that is what i came here for. I came here to learn spiritually, i came here to grow spiritually, i came here to even one day, learn how to get married.

I don't really know what the Lord wants in the married area of the future of my life to be.. i only know that i have no family but the Lord right now, along with some of my Christian friends who are not co dependents. I do intend to beautify my hill with homeade crosses from Locust trees. I do intend to beautify my property for me, and for my God, and for the Lord Jesus who saved my life. I do intend for Satan to try to stop me somehow; in fact, last week on Monday, when i realized in my heart that the Lord might want to prepare me for Christian marriage, a man from my sister's past yelled to me from his vehicle (we were at a stop light), and I chuckled after he passed by. I hate to say this, (i love all people, i am not stuck up) but i immediately thought of this man as one of Satan's ways to keep me from following thru on what i had been envisioning by the Lord. That man along with some other people from my sister's past may (MAY) be some of those demons i could not get rid of in McDermott. But I don't know that.

I look like my sister, and she died in 1993. She died at age 37 and was born in 56; had her birthday before she died. I do believe now, that some of her friends could have been "bothering me." I hope they have good intentions, because i would like to talk to them, but now i am beginning to understand that there could be some truth to why i had to leave McDermott. My family i have now are all men, and believe you me, they do not understand even the LITTLE problems in my life, let alone the big ones. So of course, they did not even care about my needs and what God wanted in my life, because all they could see was their needs and how to control what i wanted to do in my life. Now, they have no control. I think they would have wanted me to be independent...that is what adults are supposed to be....INDEPENDENT.

anyway, Locust trees are the nastiest trees. and when you desire to grow spiritually, you have to be independent. You have to trust the Lord with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your might. Whatever problems i have in my life...I created them by sinning. That is another reason why I am here. Because I had sinned a long time ago.. one of those sins like eating the forbidden fruit ... guess what happened to adam and eve? they could never go back. Their second born son killed his brother. Then the 2nd born (Cain) had a mark placed on his head so no one would kill him..but he had to leave his family. His geneology line was cursed. They did not survive. The flood came along and ...well the only survivors then was Noah and his wife, and the 3 sons and their wives, along with the animals God told them to collect and put on the ark.

Locust trees.....thorns.....ants.....ticks.....termites.....other nasty bugs we don't even know about.....poison ivy growing up and down them.....no one prettied up the tree/cross Jesus carried on his back before he carried it up that road. No one sprayed him with "off" or even cut a nice evenly smooth tree for Him to die on. These are some of the things not mentioned. We are desensitized to blood and guts...most of us. So how can we even begin to feel sorry for the sins we have committed and how can we even begin to have compassion for a man who "chose" to come here to earth to live a perfectly sinless life...for a man who "chose" to die for our sins when we didn't even ask him to in the first place...how can we even begin to feel for a man/God who came down to our level, when we can't even begin to feel the anguish he went thru for us?? We see pain and suffering every day on tv. We are desensitized to the "blood and guts." a fast and easy death, we don't FEEL COMPELLED to go to HIS level and think about what it actually took to die for our sins.

I hate bugs. The worst is ants.....okay...ticks are bad, but ants bite and they move fast.......Ticks will die....as long as you work in the woods, be prepared to kill the ticks within a 24 hour time frame...or as soon as you can. I douse myself with tea tree oil, along with whatever else i can, and hope they died....in fact, i still have my old bath water waiting on me for tomorrow.....it has some of those oils in it already and i also try to let those oils dry on me...my cousin always preaches to me, but i havent died yet, and those chemically made ones...i shudder to think where i will be in 20 years if i use them...or how many doctors i will be seeing. i would rather take my chances with a God Given miracle, and just hope it wont kill me. It sure will kill ticks.

Just think about those ants adding more misery to Christ's pain and suffering. I am desensitized to the story, because it is always the same story. No one bothers putting in the minute details of his anguish. No one thinks about the ants or the ticks or the bumblebees if the flowers are still there. The spiders. creepy crawlees....how many of you LOVE bed bugs? bed bugs are microscopic, and they still bite people!!!!! Was he even wearing any shoes while walking???? One of my qualities is usually not being able to FEEL what another is going thru, unless i have gone thru it myself, or unless the Lord allows me to feel compassion or feel that sickness, if only for 10 seconds. One time i think i had a 10 second asthms attack. Or dizziness. Those two things, I felt very briefly. I would have never known what it felt like.

Well, I want to grow. I want to be dependant on God. I want to learn the lineage of Christ, and realise that this sinful world is just that: sinful and full of deciet and hate. Nothing will ever be perfect until we get to Heaven. We have no one to blame but ourselves for sins we choose to commit. We know it could be different. We know life would be a piece of cake if only we chose NOT to sin. But we never learn. We don't know compassion until we go thru things ourselves. We are sinners, and we do wish other people had the responsibility NOT to sin.....it would make our life easier. But the responsibility lies within ourselves. It lies on our heads and if it didn't, the Bible we have would be a lie. Because God holds each one of us accountable for our own actions.....maybe i would not have felt like moving so much if I had not have sinned a long time ago.

Look it up. It's in the Bible. Don't watch Soap opera's. They are fake. The Bible is real and it is made up of imperfect people who one was called " a man after God's own heart." OK, and look at Solomon......he was also a team player...but he also sinned......Start reading the Bibles soap operas and open your eyes> Do not blame your neighbor for YOUR sins. Learn to own up to your mistakes and move on.