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i have made a cross on my hill. I may paint the bark white, just don't know when i will do it. When i was a little girl, i would always be doodling in church and one of the things i would doodle is drawing a cross on a hill with a pathway to it.

Well, i have bought my own property, and last December I moved there/here, because i was very unhappy living where i was living. No one in my family seemed to have any sympathy about why i wanted to move; no one seemed to even care to congratulate me on doing something good on my own any way, and all they seemed to do anyway was PUSH me to finally decide it was the best thing for me by creating discontent in my heart about staying on the family property.

Now, i get lectures before going out to eat with my dad, which makes me feel discontent about eating out with him anyway. My opinion matters, but it seems like no one in my family respects my opinion. anyway, that was only the icing on the move itself. ....i heard things like (before i sold my trailer) "i hope you enjoy not having a family anymore" and "that is why we bought that place...so he can make all the hiding places he wants" and "You see things, you need to see a doctor" ....all those things were said to me, but they did not want me to move. Well, I moved. and they blame things that happened all on me. I gave my brother an opportunity to use or keep my shed, long before they even knew i was definitely going. Why tell them something they didn't think i was really going to do? Why tell them something they did not want to happen?? One person was punishing me, by peeling out on the driveway that he will never fix or never pay to fix.... i used to fix that road/driveway. But all he cared about was getting me to start an argument because he was mad at me. I won't go into any more gory details about the whole thing....the same brother still talks to me, and we both do not care to argue about our differences of opinion. we have civil conversations even though we don't talk much.

But punishing me by telling me ahead of time to "get along" before i go out to eat with someone i havent ate out with in a long time...i guess that just means my opinions do not matter. Ok so it is a good thing i did move if that is how they all want to be. I love them all, but my mom and my sister are dead. they will not be back on earth with sin anymore. My niece died of a drug overdose (one of them) . I do not care to put a plastic face on and be a plastic person wearing a plastic smile when i disagree about how people with drug habits are treated in my family.

i do not take drugs. that is why i live here. I got tired of chasing all the trespassers away i got tired of putting up with neighbors that tell me outwardly to my face that they allow their children to play near my property when all there is is railroad tracks and people hiding in the bushes when they hunt. i got tired of being nice to the ones like him who were lying to me or decieving me....them thinking i thought i liked them just because i put on a plastic face in front of them. That neighbor helped a man steal out of another neighbor's house a long time ago, and i will never allow anyone to think that they are getting over on me.

i will never stop voicing my opinion, because everyone else does in my family.....Voicing my opinion is not disrespect and it is not "not getting along." the druggees have to have a plastic face on, or they will never get any "hand out money." that is my family speech,so now you know my likes and dislikes to a certain degree.

now...for the next blog and more about that cross...on MY very own paid hill...